"I am so impressed by the resources you're providing couples here. As someone who's counseled a ton of couples anticipating marriage, thanks!"


                - Gary H.

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I'm Kaylene. I love God, and I love people. 


As a girl I daydreamed about falling in love, getting married, having a family, and all that good stuff. (Yes, I was the girl who owned a bride dress-up kit by the age of six). But as I grew, this daydream turned into an interest, which turned into a passion for studying relationships.


After getting my Master's degree in Family Science, becoming a Family Life Educator, and a few years teaching at the university level, I discovered the joy in passing along what I had learned about the nature of interpersonal relationships to others who wanted to expand their relationship "tool kit" the same way I did.


This blog has come to be the gathering place of various truths and bits of wisdom  I have gathered through my professional studies, personal interest, and lived experience.  

Through it all, I am reminded of one central truth: marriage is sacred, and is a mirror of Christ's love for us. By learning more about it, not only are we investing in our own relationships - we are learning more about how God wants to relate to us, too.

This is the divine reflection.

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8 Things To Do on Your Wedding Night (Besides Each Other)

wedding night wedding dress married sex

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I believe I speak for almost every bride when I say that despite the overwhelming chaos and magic of your wedding day, there's one thought that never quite leaves you're mind. And it probably has to do with your wedding night!

And hey, let's be honest, by the time the cake's been cut, and the bouquet's been thrown... there's probably a small part of you that just wants to get out of there and enjoy your new husband!

And while I am ALL FOR enjoying your first night together as newlyweds, the sex won't last all night...

So here are 8 things to do on your wedding night... besides each other.

(where's a wink emoji when you need one?!)

1. Re-read your vows

This one comes to you from personal experience. Although the wedding was just hours before, you probably won't remember what the other person said during the ceremony! It is so moving to have an intimate moment with your new husband where you remind each other of your commitment and your love.

No guests. No officiant. Just you and him sitting side by side, reading your vows to one another.

Hearing your new husband whisper these promises to you while there’s no one else around is a completely different experience than hearing him speak them into a microphone in front of 200 guests. Grab the tissues, and reaffirm your vows to one another in the privacy of your own room. This is a special moment you won't be able to forget!

2. Pray

I know, I know, you’ve only got one thing on your mind as soon as you cross the threshold of your honeymoon suite, but this is (probably) the first moment alone you’ve had with your new spouse all day. Even if it’s quick, saying a brief prayer together over your marriage demonstrates that Christ is first in your heart, and in your marriage and that before all else, you want to give him the glory. Much like a “firstfruits” offering in the Bible (Deuteronomy 26), it's a recognition that he is the source of the blessings we've been given. Of course, I can’t blame you if this step gets forgotten until later… but I do recommend doing it at some point before you leave the next morning.

3. Shower

Just keeping it real here, some weddings can make you work up a sweat! Especially if your dress doesn’t breathe particularly well. You want to feel sexy and confident (not sweaty and stinky) on your wedding night. So slip into the shower if that’s the case and rinse off a bit. Use a body wash that makes you smell good and feel amazing. (This one to the right is my favorite fragrance. It smells like red plum and freesia, but I've had people tell me it smells like strawberries!) Once you are clean and smelling good, you will feel so much better, and you'll be less self-conscious. Taking a quick shower also gives you an opportunity to put on that one really sexy thing you picked out... the one that will make your new husband's jaw hit the floor!

4. Eat a snack

You might not get to eat a lot at your reception, so have a snack sent up to your room. You will be busy greeting people, getting photos taken, etc. Combine that with the dancing and celebrating and you’ll probably be ready for a snack when you get back to your room. Have your maid of honor (or someone else you trust) put together a little "goodie basket" with your favorite snacks and send it to your room.

Ideas of what to include:

  • wine (or sparkling cider) and glasses

  • crackers

  • cheese

  • fruit

  • nuts

  • granola bars

  • chocolate

  • "do not disturb" door sign (check out the free printable at the end of this post!)

(You might also enjoy having a few candles, condoms, personal lubricant, etc. added to that basket as well.)

*Here's one I found on Amazon just in case you'd rather skip the headache and just buy a goodie basket. Or you can take a look and get some more ideas for your own version if you're a DIY kind of bride like me!

5. Set the Mood

Depending on your style, you may want to make special arrangements to set the mood for your romantic evening. This might include a particular playlist with songs you love, some candles (flameless candles may be more appropriate if you're in a hotel) and some sort of romantic lighting. If you really want to up the romance factor you could even do rose petals all over the bed, and flowers all around! Whatever appeals to you. Consider pouring yourself and your new spouse a glass of wine (or sparkling cider) and enjoy your evening!

6. Undress each other…slowly… and savor the moment.

Even though you will probably be ready to tear each other’s clothes off (and let’s be honest – no one blames you for that kind of excitement!), your wedding night is special. It should be savored. At least as much as you can. Take your time undressing and enjoy the experience every step of the way. Don’t just jump into bed with one another and speed through the process! Take your time. Like the Lover and Beloved in Song of Songs, use all of your senses to take in the experience of being with the one you love.

"How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice! Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon." Song of Songs 4:9-11

So allow yourself to delight in your new spouse!

One short note on this:

Everyone comes into their marriage with a past, and for some, that past may include a history of sexual activity (hey, no judgement here!). However, if this will be your first time, you will want to pay special attention to this "slow down" suggestion, as your body will probably need a little bit of time to catch up to your brain. So if that's you, then just know that a little bit of patience and anticipation at the beginning will go a long way to making the rest of the night enjoyable for both of you.

7. Praise!

Praise God (yes, out loud!) for how he’s made you, and how he’s blessed you. Praise God for your your husband’s rockin’ body, and his amazing, kind heart. And then turn it over to your husband to praise God for his new smokin’ hot wife!

Also praise each other! My philosophy is don’t be stingy with the compliments (well... ever...but) especially when your spouse is naked.

They are allowing you to see them completely, and honestly, and without shame. That’s a beautiful and incredible thing. And it’s also a very vulnerable thing. Your words have POWER. So build them up, and make them feel sexy, confident, and valued. Tell them what you love about them from their head to their toes! After all, that's what we see the married couple doing in Song of Songs. They pretty much just take turns describing what they love about one another, and delighting in the way God has made them. For example:

"How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands.Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies..." Song of Songs 7:1,2

If you skipped prayer over your marriage earlier, now would be a great time to fit that in. This would also be the perfect opportunity for you to pray over your sex life, and for protection over this new area of your relationship. Because (surprise!) you have a sex life now. And you will get to figure it out together. This is one of the things I wish I understood better before I got married.

8. Relax/Sleep

It’s been a long day! Relax, cuddle up next to your new husband and get comfy. Settle down, and enjoy your time together. Talk, laugh, and let go of all that wedding pressure and stress. Bask in the glow of being newly married.

If it’s late, sleep! You just threw a huge party, got married, dealt with two entire families plus friends and other guests! You’ve made arrangements, and solved problems, and danced the night away only to come back and rock your husband’s world in bed. I'd say you’ve earned a good night’s sleep!

But beware, if you know that your husband-to-be snores, or otherwise might be difficult to sleep with, be prepared with a plan B. Come with earplugs, extra pillows, or anything else you may need to make your sleep more comfortable. If you need to get up early to leave for your honeymoon, all the more reason to make sure you get all the sleep you need!

I hope these ideas are helpful to those of you looking forward to getting married, and give you some ways to make your first night together special.

If you're married - what advice would you give to someone on their wedding night? Any other recommendations of things to do besides the obvious?

For all those approaching marriage, which ideas do you think are the most useful as you prepare for your big day?

As always, let me know what you think!

Click here to download this "do not disturb" printable door sign for FREE!

Just think of it as a little something from me to you on your wedding night!

#sex #weddingnight #wedding #engaged

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